I am back from the long period of silence... I have noticed several things over the past few weeks.... and it makes me wonder. Is time travel possible? Let me think about that for a sec. In short.... the answer has to be yes. Time travel is possible. And yes I am going to tell you why. First off it has to be true...because it would just be cool. Secondly... we humans just do not think outside of the box. We limit ourselves. Science tells us that the average person only uses 10% of their brain. That is a lot of waste if you ask me. Just imagine what you could do with the rest. Now granted that is the average person. Any "average" is the median of whatever you are measuring. We are measuring people. Mathemeatics would tell us that only half of us are above average.... and well the other half... they would be below average.... probably using like 5% of their brain. The guy that you saw in stop and go traffic today during rush hour switching lanes over and over just to get one car ahead. That guy is using maybe 5% of his brain. The other guy you saw walking into Wal-Mart wearing sandals with socks in December.......well he is using maybe 3%. Sorry.... I am not telling you that if you stop wearing socks with your sandals that you will gain 7% brain power..... there is a lot more problems there than that. The guy or girls that stopped reading this blog because I have alraedy lost them.............well you get the picture.... :-)
The speed of light..... well it is very fast. If said scientist looks into a telescope and sees a star 10 billion light years then that means that it took that "light" from the star 10 billion years to get here. In other words.... they are looking at that star like it was 10 billion years ago.... They are essentially looking back in time... That alone should make you think.
I will pause.... read that again if you want. :-) It is hard to believe and comprehend... but it is true.
So what would you do with time travel....? That could be fun. You could go back to cave man days and really trip those guys out. You would have to get prepared though. You want to look kind of cave-man'ish..... but not too "spaceman".... How about just a goatee....jeans....and maybe one of those Affliction T-shirts... That would be perfect. Those T-shirts normally have skulls and crosses on them..... Any caveman would be intimidated. By the way... what is it with those shirts? $90 to go to a damn club and look JUST LIKE every other guy???!!! What are you thinking??? Go buy something nice...yet original. Try this out... Go to a club. Line up 10 guys... and 9 of them have Affliction shirts on. Is that truly cool??? You are not cool... you are pop culture. Just because everyone on UFC wears them does not mean for you to wear them as well. You are not training one of the UFC guys..... you are not walking down the walkway to the ring giving high-fives. You are paying Pay-per-view to watch the fight. I am really thinking about making a line of shirts called "Infection"... then it might make sense if everybody wears them. Now go put on another shirt so that you do not look like everybody else and save the shirt for when you are ready to travel back in time. Cavemen also like sticks and clubs..... so be sure to bring a bat.
Now schedule your time machine to go into the caveman days right before a solar eclipse. Once you get to the cave man days man up and play the part. You are in total control. Wave the Louisville around and declare that you will black out the sun. When the solar eclipse happens the cavemen will be in total awe and eating out of your hands You will be eating mammoth meat with the in-laws before you know it.........
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hurry the blurry......
So what do you do with a mind that goes in a hundred directions all at once? You take 1/100th of your mind and you send it in each direction........ at least that is what I do. Yes, yes, I can focus if I need to. But after a long day at work focusing it is time to blurrr it all up! There are several ways to do this.
Yes, I could have a few shots of some sort of alcohol....... that is the common method that does not require intelligence. Be right back though......
I have returned..... Yes I did take a shot. Ok two. I guess that I am going to be a commoner tonight. Not for lack of intellegence though....
Just to hurry the blurry. So that I can finish my nightly ramble and maybe break something down so that we may more easily understand it.
Read my previous blog.... geez I broke down the Capri Sun to the point that my cell rings today and it was their marketer pleading with me to describe the stabbing of the straw into the pouch in a more humane manner. But I speak the truth. So I told him the truth. I want Capri Suns in a damn bottle. Not in a pouch...... a bottle.
Who knows.... the next dimented weirdo serial killer could be buying a crate full of boxes of Capri Suns to practice with. And what is with that word? "Serial Killer".....it makes me think he's going to go kill Snap, Crackle, and Pop. That would really suck too because Crackle is one cool dude. Before you trip out about Rice Krispies.... buy a box and listen to them talk. They have a lot to say.
So earlier today my sister wanted something like unicorns jumping on pogo sticks and I say to myself........while that would be pretty cool to see, that could be extremely dangerous. Have you EVER been around just a horse? ...... let alone a unicorn! Horses are like the craziest animals. You literally cannot pet a horse without worrying about what it is going to do. And there is always that "horse person" around that knows how to talk to them. "Don't spook the horse" they say..... Why can I spook something 5 times my size? There is just something not fair about that. Now put a pointed dagger right on its' forehead and try to scratch its' nose without worrying. But wait.... we are going to take it one step further and put the unicorn on a pogo stick. It is a horrible mess waiting to happen.
Yes, I could have a few shots of some sort of alcohol....... that is the common method that does not require intelligence. Be right back though......
I have returned..... Yes I did take a shot. Ok two. I guess that I am going to be a commoner tonight. Not for lack of intellegence though....
Just to hurry the blurry. So that I can finish my nightly ramble and maybe break something down so that we may more easily understand it.
Read my previous blog.... geez I broke down the Capri Sun to the point that my cell rings today and it was their marketer pleading with me to describe the stabbing of the straw into the pouch in a more humane manner. But I speak the truth. So I told him the truth. I want Capri Suns in a damn bottle. Not in a pouch...... a bottle.
Who knows.... the next dimented weirdo serial killer could be buying a crate full of boxes of Capri Suns to practice with. And what is with that word? "Serial Killer".....it makes me think he's going to go kill Snap, Crackle, and Pop. That would really suck too because Crackle is one cool dude. Before you trip out about Rice Krispies.... buy a box and listen to them talk. They have a lot to say.
So earlier today my sister wanted something like unicorns jumping on pogo sticks and I say to myself........while that would be pretty cool to see, that could be extremely dangerous. Have you EVER been around just a horse? ...... let alone a unicorn! Horses are like the craziest animals. You literally cannot pet a horse without worrying about what it is going to do. And there is always that "horse person" around that knows how to talk to them. "Don't spook the horse" they say..... Why can I spook something 5 times my size? There is just something not fair about that. Now put a pointed dagger right on its' forehead and try to scratch its' nose without worrying. But wait.... we are going to take it one step further and put the unicorn on a pogo stick. It is a horrible mess waiting to happen.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Quirky... Cellular.......Capri Suns.........
32 years of learning that I am have a very quirky, fun, creative, sense of humor has led me to this. Writing a damn blog on google that I hope that somebody out there will read. Or maybe they will take it up a notch and peruse my thoughts......
I find myself here alone in my bedroom and my mind races around into 100's of different doors every night. One night I am wondering why my entire body can work together like it does when every single of the trillion cells in my body all are alive and working on their own. Pretty cool eh? Ok.......I know I am not the tallest guy. Maybe not a trillion cells. But at the very least 900 billion. Give me that.....
Anyways...... just as soon as that image runs through my lightspeed of thoughts I am wondering why in the hell they make Capri Suns like they do..... I mean get real here. How about we take the Capri Sun and break it down. First off......it is delivered in an oblong box that is VERY thick cardboard. You need pliers to open the damn thing. The reason it is so thick is that it is full of metal. Yes my friends. Metal. You get a metal baggie thing full of juice... well actually several of them. Don't kid yourself..... Tinfoil is metal....and it is sharp....... and it will cut you.....and you will bleed from a kiddie drink if you are not careful. Actually this is like tinfoil on steroids. This is not the tinfoil that your grandma wraps her green bean casserole with. This tinfoil is on the DOD's inventory list.
And what do these genius' give you to drink out of your fake metal canteen? An f'n plastic straw. Not even a real straw. This straw is a half-breed. His dad was a regular cola straw and his mom was one of those little coffee stir things that doesn't even deserve to be called a straw. So Capri Sun runs this straw down the assembly line to the sharpening blade and creates a sharp pointy edge on it........ then they glue it to the side of the metal pouch.
Once you have paid for your box full of metal pouches filled with fake juice and sharpened dagger straws.......it is time for a drink my friends.
Grab a pair of pliers and open the box. Choose a Strawberry Kiwi Chrome pouch out of the box and remove the glued dagger.......errr straw. Now for the fun part of the whole thing. You get to stab the pouch. It is almost demented the way that you have to do this. You literally have to push all of the juice up to the top of the metal pouch so that you can see the bullseye. Then you literally have to stab the straw in it. Just pushing it does not work. You have to actually hinge at the elbow and use a sharp, angular, downward stab to get the inbred straw into the pouch. If you put too much pressure on the pouch to do this.......well you get strawberry in one eye and kiwi in the other.
Now to enjoy the juice. Take two swigs and it is GONE..... Yes my friends, all of that work and the damn pouches hold only maybe two full drinks of fake juice. Is it really worth of this????
Oh yeah.......... they do market this for our kiddos.
I find myself here alone in my bedroom and my mind races around into 100's of different doors every night. One night I am wondering why my entire body can work together like it does when every single of the trillion cells in my body all are alive and working on their own. Pretty cool eh? Ok.......I know I am not the tallest guy. Maybe not a trillion cells. But at the very least 900 billion. Give me that.....
Anyways...... just as soon as that image runs through my lightspeed of thoughts I am wondering why in the hell they make Capri Suns like they do..... I mean get real here. How about we take the Capri Sun and break it down. First off......it is delivered in an oblong box that is VERY thick cardboard. You need pliers to open the damn thing. The reason it is so thick is that it is full of metal. Yes my friends. Metal. You get a metal baggie thing full of juice... well actually several of them. Don't kid yourself..... Tinfoil is metal....and it is sharp....... and it will cut you.....and you will bleed from a kiddie drink if you are not careful. Actually this is like tinfoil on steroids. This is not the tinfoil that your grandma wraps her green bean casserole with. This tinfoil is on the DOD's inventory list.
And what do these genius' give you to drink out of your fake metal canteen? An f'n plastic straw. Not even a real straw. This straw is a half-breed. His dad was a regular cola straw and his mom was one of those little coffee stir things that doesn't even deserve to be called a straw. So Capri Sun runs this straw down the assembly line to the sharpening blade and creates a sharp pointy edge on it........ then they glue it to the side of the metal pouch.
Once you have paid for your box full of metal pouches filled with fake juice and sharpened dagger straws.......it is time for a drink my friends.
Grab a pair of pliers and open the box. Choose a Strawberry Kiwi Chrome pouch out of the box and remove the glued dagger.......errr straw. Now for the fun part of the whole thing. You get to stab the pouch. It is almost demented the way that you have to do this. You literally have to push all of the juice up to the top of the metal pouch so that you can see the bullseye. Then you literally have to stab the straw in it. Just pushing it does not work. You have to actually hinge at the elbow and use a sharp, angular, downward stab to get the inbred straw into the pouch. If you put too much pressure on the pouch to do this.......well you get strawberry in one eye and kiwi in the other.
Now to enjoy the juice. Take two swigs and it is GONE..... Yes my friends, all of that work and the damn pouches hold only maybe two full drinks of fake juice. Is it really worth of this????
Oh yeah.......... they do market this for our kiddos.
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